Decisions

So how did my journey begin? It started by making a decision.

I had previously attended the same school I'm attending now, just a few years prior.  However attending is a very loose description, because it lasted about two months and I only really participated in the conditioning class.   I recall, attending a couple of BJJ classes during that time, however I believe it was more the introductory classes and I never committed to attending.  Either way though, at some point I decided to stop attending all togethor, thus making me a self-imposed drop out.  My decision to leave was based upon how I felt others perceived me.  I allowed my perceived inadequacies to conjure up irrational fears, baseless of any facts.

So what fears prevented me from being further along in my journey than where I'm currently at today?  They were my struggles with weight, attitude and confidence.  The same fears that a lot of other people deal with.  And trust me, I've heard it from other people I'm trying to encourage in joining BJJ.  But with that said, fast forward to 2014.

I returned to said school, except this time it was for my kids.  I wanted them involved in a physical activity which would last beyond the typical High School sports years.  I wanted them to learn discipline, respect, self-defense and confidence.  Now I have to laugh at myself right about now.  Because here I am, taking them to the very same school I quit previously, expecting them to learn the very same thing I quit on. Seems hypocritical of me, don't you think?  Me being honest, it very much is.  Yet here I am with my kids and my kids were ready to roll.

So I, like others, became a lounge parent and watching my kids through the glass.  I had a great sense of pride but also in some instances a great deal of arrogance.  Sometimes I would watch and think I knew more than the people coaching my kids.  Mind you, it wasn't necessarily the teaching of the subject matter itself, it was more of hey can't you see this or that about my kid and aren't you going to do something about it.  I recall an instance where one of my boys wasn't even trying and it pissed me off.  Why did it piss me off?  Because he was acting a lot like me.  So I walked out to tell him to either try or get off the mats (yelling at myself).  Well that didn't sit to well with a particular coach and I got called out for it...rightfully so.   And back I went, after passing the idiot test, to being a quiet lounge parent.  Somewhere along the way, I began doing the conditioning class again.  I really can't explain why but I think it was more out of trying to pass the time, while my kids were in class.

The conditioning class ran concurrent with the kids BJJ class but lasted about thirty-five minutes.  So after completing the work-out, I would return to being a lounge parent and watching my kids.  It was during this time that a tough but sincere voice, emanating from the front office would routinely ask..."when are you going to get back on the mats?" Now mind you, I previously stated that I had only about two classes, so it's not like I had any experience to bring "back to the mats".  Yet over the next couple of months this went on, the same line of questioning, "when are you going to get back on the mats?" and my typical response was "I'm too old, too fat and don't care".  But funny thing was, the same question was being asked by other people as well.  People I barely knew. And it was during this time I saw myself in a different light, I saw myself as I was answering the question being asked of me..."I'm too old, too fat and don't care" and that vision scared the Hell out of me. It scared me because I saw myself giving up on me and my family.  Passing away sooner than I had to.  I mean I had kids to raise...right?  Finally one day, I don't recall when or why but I acquiesced.  I partially did it to stop the repeated questioning but also because I was scared of what the consequences were if I didn't try. Thus was made the decision to make a significant change in my physical and personal life after years of neglect.  It's a decision I still look back on in amazement and one I don't regret making.  And it's a decision I have to make daily.

Each of us who are "...on the mats" have a unique reason why we joined.  And I'm no different. However I dare say we all agree it was the Best Decision Ever Made.

If you're on the fence about whether it's for you or not, well make a decision to at least check it out.  Find a reputable school and make the decision to change.

Peace, Love & Chokes,

Will h.








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