The Old Man BJJ Life

Parenting, there is no handbook.  Well there is.  But each person has their own spin on the how to and at the end of the day, there are no right answers. Being a father has probably been "THE" event I look forwarded to the most in life, for a plethora of reasons.  But the biggest reason I wanted to be a father, was I needed to prove to myself I could be a better father than my non existent father. My parents, who met in the Army, had been married three years prior to my arrival.  What I remember as a young child is living in a happy home.  However that was not the case.  I was unaware of the marital strife occurring between my parents.  What I was not aware of was a home filled with alcohol, domestic abuse and infidelity.  And while I was blind to most of what was going on, there was one thing I was not blind to...my inattentive father.  It's very hard for me to even call him a father as I write this.  Because he spent little time with us nor met any of our basic need

I created this page over three years ago.  It's intended purpose was to share my journey, as an older student of Jiu Jitsu.  In some ways I accomplished that goal, however in other ways I failed. It really boils down to effort and time, very much like Jiu-Jitsu...  Yet every day is a new day and today will be no different.  So with that in mind, today is a reboot of my blog. My reboot will remain Jiu Jitsu.  But it will also incorporate other facets of my life as well.  Things that interest me, stories about me and events which shaped me.  All with the one goal of lifting up others and helping others see the good in themselves.  In addition, I really want to encourage feedback.  I'm not looking for atta boys, likes or anything to stroke the ego.  I'm wanting feedback because I want to learn from you...the reader.  However I would ask that your feedback be respectful and give others pause to think...including me. Feedback that makes us all winners in one way or another. 

In recent weeks I’ve heard a phrase being communicated in a variety of ways, from a diverse group of people, holding varying belief structures.   So, I wanted to address what I’ve been hearing and offer my own perspective.   My hope is bridging a gap of understanding and hopefully changing a perspective.   Even if it’s just a little. So, what is it that I’ve heard lately?   Well it’s goes something like this… “that’s why I don’t attend church, because its already filled with hypocrites” or “the church is filled with hypocrites” or some other variation, which incorporates the word hypocrite and church. Therefore, let me begin by letting out a not so big a secret…you’re right.   They church is filled with hypocrites and that’s where they belong.   It has it's share of adulterers, drunkards, gossipers as the bible plainly calls it.    Or people who have hate, overtly critical or suffer from addictions (sexual or substance).   It's is also filled with greedy people, who e

Fathers Day.  I dare say for most men, is a nice thought in which we celebrate but with minimal fan fare.  Yes we appreciate the loving adoration from our spouse and children.  But at the end of the day, we just view it as another day in "the life of" being a father.  For me personally, that's how I typically view fathers day.  Except for the fact there is one Fathers Day I got to celebrate before I officially became a father. It all started around the turn of the 21st century.  Rhonda and I had been barely married two years.  Both of us were gainfully employed and I was also working to complete my education at The University of Tulsa.    Graduation was fast approaching and discussions of children began to fill the air.  Looking past graduation, we prioritized planning for children.  Therefore, after much discussion, we consciously made the choice to start the process of "getting pregnant."   We wanted to time the event of a child birth, close after my graduat

Complacency is an easy trap to fall into and really doesn’t require much effort.  It’s a subtle condition that steals our motivation one decision at a time.  Here of late I allowed myself to be robbed. Robbed of overall health and more importantly my Jiu Jitsu journey. Complacency starts with one poor decision.  You know the kind.  A cookie isn’t going to amount to anything or I don’t feel like training tonight.  And I’m guilty as charged.   However, it’s worse when it becomes habit forming.  And I admit it.  The muscle memory for complacency has reached new heights for me. Now here is the excuse, right or wrong, it is the reality.  Here of late, my personal life has been in a turmoil.  Not a turmoil in a bad way, just more about shifting priorities.  Priorities such as sick kids, late days at the office or other event’s which have distracted me from what is important.  The distractions, while legitimate should not excuse eating poorly or training less.  I’ve allowed the dis

I’m a failure! Oh, how many times I’ve uttered those words inside my head, still to this day.   And yet despite all my success…such as a great marriage and family, Cum Laude Graduate of The University of Tulsa, great job with a great company, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu blue belt…I still utter these words in my head. I often wonder why I take such a harsh outlook on myself and why I continue to use these words even today.   Maybe it’s still tied to a failed marriage, jobs or a whole list of other events which continue to remind me of my imperfection.   Or maybe it’s because I continue to compare myself to others, without truly knowing the real story. The simple fact of the matter is we all fail, at some point in our life.   However, we should not let it define us.   We should stop hitting the rewind button on our lives and reliving those failures. For me personally I frequently find myself getting up off of the couch called life and hitting that rewind button on the VHS tape playin