I'm a failure

I’m a failure! Oh, how many times I’ve uttered those words inside my head, still to this day.  And yet despite all my success…such as a great marriage and family, Cum Laude Graduate of The University of Tulsa, great job with a great company, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu blue belt…I still utter these words in my head.

I often wonder why I take such a harsh outlook on myself and why I continue to use these words even today.  Maybe it’s still tied to a failed marriage, jobs or a whole list of other events which continue to remind me of my imperfection.  Or maybe it’s because I continue to compare myself to others, without truly knowing the real story.

The simple fact of the matter is we all fail, at some point in our life.  However, we should not let it define us.  We should stop hitting the rewind button on our lives and reliving those failures.

For me personally I frequently find myself getting up off of the couch called life and hitting that rewind button on the VHS tape playing the movie called "my failures".  Now even though I still struggle with letting failure define me, I have to accept the fact that I’ve failed.  That failure is a part of life and failure is a part of growth.   It’s very analogous to Jiu Jitsu.

Every time I step onto the mat, I’m going to fail.  I’m going to execute a technique incorrectly, get smashed by a lesser belt or a plethora of other outcomes.  But those failures are not the sum total of who I am or who we are.  What is the sum total?  It is learning from each of those events.  Taking those mistakes, no matter the frequency of repeating them... and improving.

For me, I brow beat myself hard.  And while I’m hopeful I’ll never fail again, I know that I will.  Therefore, a key for me will be to remain humble,  accept failure and move on.  I must recognize that failure is not who I am but only a point in time of my life.   It’s only a small make up of who I am or who we are.  Failure equals growth and growth equals success.

Peace, Love & Chokes,

Will h.